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“The 5 Love Languages” In Action

“Guess what I have for you today?” Jim said.
“I don’t know! Is it a flower? A book? A chocolate? I don’t know!” Sandy said with a hint of frustration in her voice.
“It’s something you’ll love!” He said.
“Every time you get me something for a present,” Sandy said as she looked straight into his blue eyes with her own welling with tears. “But, you’re not!”

Jim loves to bring his fiancé presents every time they meet. In his own mind he thinks that if he surprised her, she will be excited and joyful for expressing his love through gifts and generosity. He sets a date, prepares the gift, he shows up, they both talk for a few seconds, then he starts talking with the waiter, the people sitting next to them at another table; a friend who happens to walk by; a phone call that he has to make because at work he didn’t get a chance to call this guy back; his mother calls and he has to answer; a restroom break; an important game being played on the huge flat screen that’s across the wall facing their table; and so many other excuses or distractions that takes Jim’s attention away from Sandy. He is not present! He is not spending quality time with her.

Jim is not meeting Sandy’s need for love, connection, and attention; and the ironic part is that he doesn’t even recognize it. His father used to do the same with his mother, always getting her presents, which his mother accepted joyfully. He thought Sandra would too. But Sandra is not Jim’s mother and not like her in many ways.

Different women and men accept and express love gestures in different ways. In his book “The 5 Love Languages” Dr. Gary Chapman suggests five primary love languages:

1Words of Affirmation.

2Acts of Service.

3Receiving Gifts.

4Quality Time.

5Physical Touch.

This is an excellent book to read when you want to understand your mate’s love needs and how to fulfill them.

In our case here, Sandy’s love language is quality time, which Jim didn’t understand.

How can you know what’s your fiancé’s or spouse’s love language?

Dr. Chapman asks three core questions:

1How does he/she most often express love to others?

2What does he/she complain about most often?

3What does he/she request most often?

Now, you have guessed Jim’s primary love language!
Would you rather have the gifts or have your lover’s presence and attention? Or, what’s your love language?

Comments (6)

Hello Amina. This post is so accurate. As I grow older, I find presents signify little and I value the time I am able to spend with my wife, family and friends. When asked what I want as a present these days, I find it hard to answer as the best gift is time spent with those I love. Many thanks Robert
Hi Amina, First time visiting your site and I may say it's very nice. I love the break down of the 5 love languages. Love it! Thank you so much for sharing, and have a great week ahead.
Great post, I really enjoyed reading it. My partner and I have a tantric background, and absolutely prefer each others undivided attention and presence over presents any time. And you can tell a lot from how your partner behaves, says and does if you are observant and from that can see how they prefer to be treated. Fab tips, thanks for sharing.
This is such an important message today because the greatest gift we can give each other is our gift of time, connection and our full attention. Wonderful! Healthy blessings with love and gratitude, Gena
this is a very important message for healthy relationship.in my personal experience more than gifts my partner enjoys my quality time.
I love that book! It has helped me better understand my husband as he tends to be more of a "words of encouragement" person, and I am more of an "acts of service" person. Thanks for posting, and for the reminder of this great book. Going to have to read it again!

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