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Brides and Grooms, how emotionally intelligent are you?

Emotional intelligence should be taught in schools at a young age. As these children grow and mature into young adults and older adults, their relationships would be totally different than their parents and many divorces would be avoided. I teach emotional intelligence to my clients, who are engaged, newlyweds, or are in their second to fifth year of marriage. I coach other couples who have been married for many years but my focus here and now are on the engaged and newlyweds.

According to John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey, two psychologists and leading researchers on the topic, emotional intelligence is :

the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.

By being in tune to your fiancé’s emotional reactions makes a big difference in the way you communicate with him or her. Emotional fluctuations during hormonal changes, whether during her menstrual period or menopause, can affect your relationship without realizing you’re causing harm to her very essence as a woman. Do you understand his emotional shift when testosterone levels change depending on which stage of his life he is going through? This is a physical example of how emotions can fluctuate without the ability to control it.

Another example, is when we are at the effect of other’s factors, which can trigger an emotional response. When your fiancé talks about matters that make you angry, frustrated, joyful, happy, sad, passionate, etc, does he realize what he’s stirring up in you? He might know that one matter will make you angry and he still goes ahead and talks about it; does this act show how emotional intelligence would play a big part on how he would talk with you about this matter without making you angry, or he might have chosen not to discuss it in the first place.

“All learning has an emotional base.” Plato

Emotional intelligence is the result of learned experiences and awareness of the mental and physiological health of an individual. It is the ability to perceive, manage, and understand emotion. Are you capable of understanding, reasoning, and managing your emotions as well as your fiancé’s?

Comments (2)

Hi Amina, Although this does not apply to me in relation to having a fiance or new husband, I do find it interesting, and agree that people should learn it early - wouldn't THAT save a lot of trouble? On a lighter note, it reminded me of a heated conversation I once had with a boyfriend. Because I was angry, he said "Oh, are you having hormonal problems?" as if that would be the only possible reason why a woman could be angry. I won't share my response : )
HI! Saw your post at UBC. Like they say, preventive medicine is the best medicine. I think that is right along the lines of what you encouraging. good luck at the challenge, Jean

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