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Oops! Pardon me, I’m not from this family

Jack proposed to Amy. Amy said, “Yes!” They both were extremely happy. Their families got exited and wanted to know when is the Big Day! Families sometimes could cause conflict between the two most important people in the Wedding, the Bride and the Groom.

Every family have their own way of living their lives. Values within the Groom’s family are different than the values within the Bride’s family. There might be similarities, but for sure the differences will be very apparent.

Amy wanted so much to blend into Jack’s family, and they were very welcoming with open arms. Then the preparation for the wedding started and Amy, politely, invited Jack’s mother and sister to play a part in the preparation. Jack’s mother wanted the wedding to be held in their farmhouse. They have a beautiful garden in their five acre farm and with the right decoration it could look very beautiful! Amy didn’t want to hold her wedding in a farmhouse and always dreamt of holding it in one of the luxury hotels in her hometown. Well, to make them feel that they are part of her world now, Amy agreed to hold her wedding at their farmhouse.

After the Wedding, Amy used to visit Jack’s family and wanted to be part of their activities, but sometimes she’ll find Jack’s mom and sister sitting at the kitchen table chatting and leaving Amy sitting by herself in the family room. In one occasion, Amy decided to leave while they were still in the kitchen. She complained to Jack about what was happening and that she feels that she doesn’t belong with his family. But he didn’t address this issue with his family!!

If you were in Amy’s place, and you felt that with all the efforts you’re making, your fiancé’ family are still not accepting you within their circle, what would you do?

Comments (9)

Biblically speaking when they come together they are their own family. However, Jack needs to address the issues with his family. Better yet, if I were Amy, I would have asked them myself. Perhaps, they are waiting for her to be a more interactive part of their lives and jump right in instead of waiting to be invited.
I would first once discuss this issue with my own husband. And perhaps find ways to break the ice. Its difficult in the beginning but with time a bond is formed I believe
Wow this is a hard thing, it seems like she is going out of her way to make things easier and they are just not budging. Sometimes we do all we can and it doesn't matter. That is when we have to realize it is not us, it is them. Take a step back and look at the situation. Talk to the inlaws and let them know how you are feeling. Eventually they will realize that she makes him happy and that is all that matters.
Thank you Southern Angel, Richa Singh, and Renee for your insights and helpful hints. I hope that any engaged or married couple who has faced this challenge will find this post and your comments helpful!
Multiplication for anti-spam nearly made my brain panic. Too early :-) Hi Amina, I write for and support women in the stepmom role, so the scenario you posted is the norm rather than the exception. My advice to Amy: 1. Lesson learned - never agree to something that you'll regret later on, like having your wedding at the farmhouse rather than where you wanted. It's YOUR day (and the groom's), not anyone else. 2. If you are waiting for an engraved invitation to participate, you'll be forever on the sidelines. If you see your mother-in-law and sister-in-law hanging out in the kitchen, grab a cup of coffee and go join them. Life is an action verb. 3. If you do #2 and it's still an issue, your husband needs to have one of those uncomfortable conversations with his mom and sister. Or better yet, Amy can invite them to coffee and talk to them herself. Peggy (from UBC) *** Peggy Nolan http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
    Peggy, stepmoms are subjected to this type of environment from within the house! It's a difficult situation until all parties accept one another. There are, of course, the different levels of connection that can happen between them. Thank you for the advice you have for Amy and her fiancé. He refuses to get involved and insists that it is her role to play with his family. She is taking the initiative to invite them for lunch at her home and she'll let me know what happens.
i think discussing with husband wife is a better option before taking next step
Take initiative. Discuss the situation with Jack's family first. Sometimes its all a big misunderstanding and sometimes it's not but you will never know if you don't bring it up. And then, if it continues, then talk to Jack about his family. If he refuses or doesn't want to, I think Amy should rethink her relationship with someone who isn't clearly on her side. Imagine when kids are in the picture. xoxo, KG www.kgstyleblogs.com
    Amar Naik and Khloé Belle Gadson Thank you for your comments! Your insights of the situation shed light on the importance of discussions and free expressions between engaged couples:) Also, KG, important decisions must be made before they say "I Do!" Clarity and understandings are key.

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